Friday, February 27, 2009

Friday Jokes

A blind man, with a seeing eye dog at his side, walks into his local grocery store. He walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who up until this point thought he had seen it all, thinks this is quite strange. So he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and asks, “Pardon me. May I help you with something?”

The blind man replies, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.”

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday Quotes

"For me, survival is the ability to cope with difficulties, with circumstances, and to overcome them."

Nelson Mandela

Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Jokes

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim the patient you saved, hung Himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Quotes

" Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday Jokes

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard,"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Sunday Quotes

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

Helen Keller

Friday, February 06, 2009

Friday Jokes

Today I am starting a new feature on my blog called Friday jokes. Every Friday, I will post a new joke. I hope today's joke gives you a laugh, chuckle or smile.

An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.

He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face.

He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

On-Line Dating

I have been in the on-line dating scene for a while now, but have had no luck yet. The woman that will sweep me out of my chair--figuratively speaking--is yet to be found. She is out there somewhere. I have to keep this hope alive. If other disabled people have found love, there is no reason that I can't. Being a man with a major disability, and in need of much assistance, can be a deal breaker, and some women can't get past the disability and see me for the person I am. But, this is not always the case. It is too easy to blame it on the disability completely. It may be that she just isn't that into me for other reasons, such as no common interests, a lack of chemistry, we live too far apart, or other reasons. I can't take a poor me attitude. I will either be lucky or unlucky in my pursuit, but it will not be because of a lack of effort on my part. I hope to succeed.

The woman I want to meet is someone who would be able to see past the disability and love me for who I am. Someone who would be friend, companion, confidante, and lover all rolled into one. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. Don't get me wrong, I have met women on-line, but they just want to be friends. I have no hard feelings about that. That is their preference. Of coarse, she would be caring, compassionate, and loving enough to not mind helping me out, but I am not looking for a nurse, that would a selfish reason for finding someone.

Before this, I always wanted to find someone, but I didn't put too much effort into it. But, now that I am Forty, I want someone to share my life with. I'm not getting any younger. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't put more effort into it ten years ago, and wonder if I would have been with someone by now, but this is idle speculation, and I resist these thoughts. What is past is past. I have to think of the here and now and keep my hopes alive.