Sunday, December 29, 2013


Another Christmas has come and gone in the blink of the eye. Though the season has ended, the spirit of the season should not. As Scrooge says after his epiphany, "I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." So should we all. Peace, joy, goodwill, and giving are the hallmarks of the season, but they should be practiced all year.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

I Can't Eat or Drink, but I Can Be Merry

It has been over seven years, since I last had a bite of food, or a sip of a drink. I lost the ability to swallow after I had a surgery to repair a hole between my trachea and esophagus. The doctor preserved my ability to speak, but was unable to save my ability to swallow. All my food and liquid is delivered directly to my stomach through a feeding tube inserted into my abdomen. My food is a liquid formula. Four times a day, I receive my formula and water. All my medications, vitamins, and supplements, are also taken through the feeding tube. Barring some miracle cure, I will never regain my ability to swallow.

Not being able to swallow would be considered by many people to be a terrible thing to deal with. At first, it was difficult not being able to eat my favorite foods, or to see people eating. I had dreams of food. Visions of pizza filled my head. But, over time, I learned to put these things in the back of my mind. At times, I still think or dream of food, but I am not wracked with a sense of loss. I adjusted to no longer being able to walk, and to no longer breathing on my own, so I have adjusted to not eating.

No longer being able to swallow is not all bad. I no longer have to worry about choking or aspirating. I don't give any thought to what to eat, I save money by not eating out or shopping at the supermarket, and I don't have to eat foods I don't like. No scallops, liver, or brussel sprouts. I will never get a chance to try haggis, tripe, or sweetbread. Life is not over because I can no longer swallow.