Friday Jokes

Here is a joke I found on the internet

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Memorial Day

Today we remember the men and women in uniform who have died fighting in the service of the United States. We especially remember the 5000 men and women of our military who have fallen in Iraq and Afghanistan. Whether one agrees or disagrees with these conflicts, our men and women in uniform deserve all the honor and respect we can give them.

Sunday Quotes

"Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors."

African Proverb

Friday Jokes

Instead of a joke, I have posted this funny picture I found on the internet.

Sunday Quotes

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.

Author Unknown

Friday Jokes

Here is a joke I found on the internet.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question." "Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.

He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

Sunday Quotes

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."

Helen Keller

Friday Jokes

Here is a political joke I found on the internet.

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."

The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

Seal

On Sunday I went to see Seal in concert outdoors at the Valley View Casino in Valley Center. My seats were very good. They had a raised platform for the wheelchair seating, which gave an unobstructed view of the stage and was above the heads of the spectators. It was nice not having people standing up and blocking my view. They get high marks for accommodating the wheelchair using concert goers.

The concert started off with Peter Cincotti, a musician I had never heard of. He was pretty good, although most of his songs sounded similar. He performed for about half an hour. By the time he was finished, the audience was getting anxious for Seal to make his appearance. When he finally appeared the crowd went wild. The women in the audience had double the exuberance. During his performance, a crowd of adoring women fans were massed below the stage. They were reaching up to grab his hand whenever he bent down to reach down to them. I thought they would pull him off the stage and into the audience.

He put on a fine performance, that was energetic and upbeat. Throughout the performance people were dancing to the music and just having a good time. I felt myself moving to the music in my limited way. If my head and feet move to the music , I know it is good. I almost felt like taking my chair for a spin and join the dancers, but a couple of smashed toes would not have made me too popular.

He performed a lot of his well known songs such as Human Being, Crazy, Future Love Paradise, Kiss From a Rose, A Prayer For the Dying, Love's Divine. He also performed some songs from his latest album, Soul. The songs were covers of other artists songs, such as A Change is Gonna Come, I Can't Stand the Rain, It's a Man's Man's Man's World, Here I am (Come and Take Me), Knock on Wood.

He was well worth seeing. I came out of the concert feeling upbeat and with the songs still playing in my head.It was an enjoyable way to spend an evening.

Sunday Quotes

"It is a waste of time to be angry about my disability. One has to get on with life and I haven't done badly. People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining."

Stephen Hawking. Interview with The Guardian (UK) September 27, 2005

Friday Jokes

Here is a joke I found on the internet.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."