Sunday Quotes

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

Helen Keller

Friday Jokes

Here is a funny joke I found on the internet. Enjoy.

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”

“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

“Alright, we could get a blood sample.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”

“Fine then, just walk this white line.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk.”

President Obama's Comment

President Obama's comment on the Tonight Show last week comparing his bowling game to the Special Olympics, though not funny, is not the end of the world. He could have used a better analogy of his bowling game than the Special Olympics, but it was not done to deliberately disparage anyone or done out of mean-spiritedness. It was an attempt at self-deprecating humor on his part that fell flat. He realized his error and apolgized to the Special Olympics. But, this story is turning into a tempest in a tea cup. Now if he said, he bowled like a retard, or did something akin to Rush Limbaugh mocking Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's related movements, then I would be upset.

This is an opportunity for the Special Olympics to publicize what they are all about and to dispel misconceptions about the atheletes. President Obama's comment reflects the common misconception that the Special Olympics are for atheletes that aren't that good. Since he is not a very good bowler, he used the Special Olympics as an analogy. It was an honest mistake. The disabled community has to stop being so thin-skinned about some comments about the disabled. I think we should be in on the jokes, as long as it's not done to disparage, mock, or denigrate people with disabilities. It is time to get over this comment and move on to more important things, like the economy.

Sunday Quotes

"Find the seed at the bottom of your heart and bring forth a flower".

Shigenori Kameoka

More on Cerrie Burnell

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the controversy over Cerrie Burnell's arm. In response to some parent's complaints that the sight of her incomplete arm would scare their children, she didn't get angry, but instead saw it as an opportunity to educate people about disability. Here is an excerpt from an article about her that appeared in the Daily Mail.

I don't deliberately try to make people confront my disability, but
nor do I try to hide it. This is me, and I am neither ashamed nor embarassed by
it.

Of course, this criticism is upsetting, but I did not feel it was personal
criticism of me. I don't feel angry towards the parents, and if anything I'm
pleased that all this has opened up the debate. It can only be a good thing that
parents are using me as a chance to talk about disability with their
children.

People need to be represented more honestly in the media, especially when
there is so much emphasis on the body beautiful, plastic surgery and this
obsession with trying to look like celebrities.

When you are not used to seeing normal people, let alone disabled people,
then anyone like me is going to create a stir. I think it's really time to start
changing perceptions.

Friday Jokes

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22″ was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”

Sunday Quotes

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."

Joan Baez

Friday Jokes

A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks, “How’d you end up with a peg leg?”

“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate, “and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!”

“Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”

“Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!”

“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”

“A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.

“Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, astonished.

Embarassed, the pirate answered, “It was me first day with the hook.”

The Controversy over Cerrie Burnell's Arm

Last month in the United Kingdom. a silly controversy erupted over Cerrie Burnell, a co-host on a children's television show. Some parents were upset at the use of her on the show. They were not upset at anything she did or said, but the fact that she has a visible disability. Cerrie has a short arm which stops at the elbow.These parents felt that the sight of this would frighten their children and perhaps give them nightmares. These are probably those same parents who move their children away from a person with a disability in public. They are sending the unenlightened message to their children, that a disability is something to be ashamed of, to be feared, to be hidden away. Instead of shielding their children from disabilities, they should be exposing their children to disability, so that they can grow up with a better understanding and respect for people with disabilities. Children are curious by nature and want to know why a person with a disability is the way they are. Instead of squelching their curiosity. they should be encouraged to learn about people with disabilities. Education and awareness about disability is important to erase misconceptions, stereotypes, and just plain ignorance about disability. When I am out, children will ask what happened to me. I tell them with a smile and in a way they can understand. Most times, the children accept it and go on their merry way. It is my hope that I may have instilled in them a respect for those who are different because of a disability, and see that people with disabilities are not to be feared, or to be shunned. The television station should be applauded for putting Cerrie Burnell on the show, and those parents who are against her should be ashamed of themselves.

Sunday Quotes

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

John Lennon

Friday Jokes

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. "The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Sunday Quotes

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

Theodor Seuss Geisel